Couples Counseling in the Eleventh Hour
There are a lot of reasons couples might procrastinate about entering therapy. It might feel shameful, like an admission they can’t do it on their own. They might be afraid of what will come out in...
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Is Your Partner Controlling You?
Some abuse is obvious; some is much more subtle. Domestic violence is about a pattern of control and coercion, which might mean emotional abuse only with no physical component. If you have a sense...
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Should A Cheater Be Forgiven?
I’ve been watching “True Tori”, the reality show following Tori Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott, who confessed to a two-day affair (after Tori got the heads-up that the tabloids were about to...
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Reconnecting With A Distant Partner
I practice emotionally-focused couples therapy, which is about trust and security being the bedrock of a relationship. The core question we’re all asking, on an emotional level, is: When I need you,...
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Do You Hold Grudges?
If you find that resentments fester, forgiveness comes hard, and letting go of past grievances is even harder, then this blog’s for you. PLEASE NOTE: This blog is not addressing forgiveness in cases of...
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When to Seek Couples Therapy
Most people treat couples therapy as a measure of last resort: Your relationship is completely on the rocks, one or both of you is considering calling it quits. It’s like dialing 911. But as I’ve...
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Finding the Right Couples Therapist
This is not the same as finding a “good” couples therapist. I used to believe in the myth that therapists are either good or bad; now I think that there are some good therapists who are just a...
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Teaming Up With Your Spouse
You love your spouse, but do you work well together? Unfortunately, many people find that the answer is no. This can become painfully evident once we become parents, and suddenly we have to rely on...
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5 Tips for Breaking Up
This post was inspired by a client of mine who was talking for years (literally) about ending a relationship, and she finally pulled the trigger. (Go, you! and you know who you are!) If you’re...
View ArticleHealing Past Hurts, Opening Up Again
For some people, opening up comes easily (maybe too easily–which leaves them prey to manipulation or rejection or worse.) Some people never open up at all. The healthiest approach is the middle...
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Are You Being Emotionally Abused?
With so much (rightful) attention being paid to physical abuse and domestic violence, I wanted to also shine some light on emotional abuse, which can be just as psychologically damaging. But it is...
View ArticleYou’re Being Emotionally Abused–What Do You Do About it?
My recent post Are You Being Emotionally Abused? seemed to strike a nerve with a lot of people. That means that many of you are experiencing emotional abuse in their relationships. This is (sadly)...
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How to Fight Fair
In a healthy relationship, fights are going to happen. (Often, a complete absence of fights is a sign partners have become irrevocably disconnected.) So the goal isn’t to eradicate all fights; it’s...
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Communicating Better in Intimate Relationships
If you feel like you’re having trouble opening up to your partner or other intimates in your life, or if you keep running into communication roadblocks and misunderstandings, this post is for you.1)...
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Who Wants it More?: How to Improve Your Sex Life
A fairly common problem I see in the couples I work with is differing libidos. In these cases, the person who wants more sex feels chronically rejected, and the other person feels chronically...
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Do You Need Couples Counseling?
The fact that you’re reading this blog means your relationship is not all you want it to be. But how do you distinguish between a period of disconnection or even increased fight (which can be normal...
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When Your Partner Isn’t Interested in Sex
My last post was about increasing intimacy through touch, and a number of people wrote in about their frustration and sadness over a partner who’s turned off to affection and sex. If you’re in this...
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Make Your Divorce a Good One
There’s been a rash of celebrity divorce in the last couple of weeks (Gwen Stefani and Reba McIntyre announced yesterday, and Will Smith is denying divorce rumors at the moment but then, so did Ben...
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Strengthen Your Emotional Bond in Three Easy Steps
The steps are easy; it’s the repetition that matters. Make these habits and your relationship will be better for it. 1) Refuse to make excuses Yes, your life is busy. Yes, your partner can be annoying...
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When Your “Blended” Family Isn’t Blending
Your kids don’t like your new partner’s kids; your new partner’s kids don’t seem to respect your authority; and all the stress is starting to make you rethink the whole thing. Here are some ideas that...
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